I know some of you were curious and we were talking about Nicaragua over break, and I just went back and was looking at some of the emails I sent and I thought I'd post a few in case anyone wants to read them. They are in reverse-chronilogical order so if you're interested in reading them maybe start at the bottom.

July 12, 2012

Hey there,

I had to come to the "ciber" to finish up some work so I figured I'd send you one last email. Although the majority of my emails were sent to you in times of frustration and therefore, probably seemed pretty negative, right now I'm feeling content. Yesterday, I had my final interview with Steve and we talked for a long time. I'm really pleased because he said that he's seen a lot of personal growth, particularly in the area of confidence in me and he told me I am one of the most positive and flexible interns they've had. He is happy to write a recommendation for me in the future at any time and said that he probably shouldn't say this, but if he were my parents he'd be really proud of what I've done. So I know this is bragging, but I figure since it's you it's okay. It just made me really happy to hear how good he feels about my time in Nicaragua.

I've built relationships here. That's what stands out to me; it's not the group meetings or the sustainable work, although that's important too, but getting close to individuals who know nothing about my world. When I leave they'll have no idea where I am, what I'm doing, but when I picture the people here I know their lives will be virtually the same. I can't get over that. At the beginning I knew nothing about their world either, but I think I succeeded in taking a deep breath and jumping into it. I remember at our first meeting, the women were skeptical of me. They had been working a little with another intern Bert and were used to having a guy around. Not to mention I was intimidated to take over his project given that he has been out of college for two years and worked for an investment banking firm. They hinted that it was going to be hard to gain my trust. In order to make our work together productive, I had to go behind their lines. Partaking in their softball practice, waking up at 5 am to ride on the back of a motorcycle to go milk a cow, taking a bus for two hours to buy a giant freezer, learning swear words, and making peanut butter banana sandwiches for them were some of the keys to making our project work. Only with these keys did they learn to listen to my ideas and accept me as an insider, one of them even gave me a massage as we were waiting outside one day. Now, they are planning my goodbye party for tomorrow in secret and my family keeps asking me when I'm going to come back and stay with them again.

On Tuesday I met a group of surfers/mission trip people and they invited me to dinner and go to a concert. Well, not really a concert, it was one man sitting on a stool and playing the guitar. I realized how absorbed I am in the local culture when I was wowed by their Americanized vacation-like house with an Argentinian cook with whom they tried to speak local Spanish to. Also, I had no idea the restaurant where the concert was, let alone any restaurants existed around here. They were all impressed by my ability to speak Spanish to their cook and by the amount of time I'd been here, but most of all by the fact that I was living with a local family. It's hard to describe, but when I was with them I realized how blind they are to real life in Nicaragua and it sort of frustrated me how blazé they were about everything.

The bottom line is I'm glad I did this. I think I've always felt a need to really get out of my comfort zone and know something different of the world. And this is the time in my life to do it. Now I feel like I do and I can speak from firsthand experience about issues I used to not care or know anything about. Thanks for letting me come. Part of what makes this so good is that I now get to come home, back to my own family, friends and culture. I can't wait.

Xoxo, have fun in Montreal and see you Sunday,

Dana

July 4th, 2012

Today is a day I am certainly missing the US. I ate almost a whole watermelon this morning in honor of our traditions but otherwise the 4th of July will pass this year unnoticed, which is a little depressing. I felt this way when I was in Spain two summers ago also, it's just part of traveling but it is a bummer. I guess it's just disappointing that I feel pride for my country today and there's no one to celebrate that with.

It's been over seven weeks here; it's funny how perceptions of time change as you get older. I remember my first experience away from home: Camp Mishawaka for just under two weeks, and boy, sometimes that felt like forever. Now, the two weeks left here feels like nothing. My journey home is just over the horizon and I can't wait to be back! Recently I've really been craving our American consumerist culture too...is that bad? Obviously I miss mom's cooking, being with the family, the comfort of a home with AC and real beds and multiple stories and indoor bathrooms...the list goes on, but I also miss my own clothes and way of presenting myself, along with Chipotle and Whole Foods and Walgreens and Sunset Ridge and driving around in BMWs with satellite radio. 

There are very few people who live year round here that are originally from the states, and truthfully most of them are kind of crazy. I've talked to Steve about this. There is one woman, Amie, who lives in Nicaragua six months of the year and the other six months in Seattle. She says it is to maintain a level of sanity. I think sometimes we don't realize just how much consumerism we are used to and giving that up permanently, along with a sense of real American luxury, would be enough to make me a little crazy. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what is missing here, but the absence of large pristine buildings and any signs of advertising certainly feel like a part of it.

I guess what you trade that for is natural beauty of the environment. It's cool because in America we have both natural beauty and constructed beauty at our fingertips, although at home you only can drive so far (even in the West) without reaching some form of comfortable, civilized society. That doesn't bother me, and it probably reassures most people. It makes me think about our Western frontier 100 or 200 years ago. Obviously Nicaragua is more developed than that (although in the Northern Autonomous regions I'm not so sure) but being here makes me think people like the first settlers really had some nerve to stick it out. Ultimately, we have them to thank for our conveniently-placed drive-in Starbucks' today. 

The beauty here is magnificent, though. It's a virgin beauty. In the US we struggle to find spots on the beach that aren't already laden with toys, chairs and towels...let alone a flat piece of sand where nobody has dug some giant hole or built a castle. Where I am, the beaches are gorgeously desolate, some stretches you can walk without seeing a single individual or beachfront house. That, I think, is a rare gem in this world. Just forest and sand and the roaring Pacific. Someday, they will probably all be developed, in fact I'm surprised no one has already taken advantage of the many investment opportunities here, but for now they are mine to enjoy.

One advantage to living with locals is they know the best spots to adventure. I don't think my best memories from this trip will be from the times I travelled like a tourist with the other interns, but with my family here and the group of women I work with. As a side note, I've discovered that the way into the heart of a family here is through the mother. Get close to the mom and you're in, because she will praise you to the rest of the family and trust is formed. Anyway, the locals definitely know the best spots that are virtually untouched and the best ways to get around. A week ago, with my brother and sister I ventured to natural ocean pools formed by giant rocks when the tide comes in. We had to walk across long stretches of beach and climb over a lot of rocks, but it was worth it. Hopefully some of the pictures come out well. 

I CANNOT WAIT to be home. Happy 4th!


June 14, 2012

Hello hello, 

I hope all is well at home with everyone, including my puppies. I miss them! Thanks for the pictures, mother. That sounds like an interesting business that Janice has, and yes, drive and ambition are slow here as always. I'm still waiting for my fund of $300 to arrive, Ramiro should get it next week and then I can start construction and buying materials for the school. I went to the school three afternoons this week and taught them my frogs (of course) and how to make cootie catchers (big hit) and let some play with legos. I like working there because now when I walk around town random kids will say hi to me and they are always full of big smiles when I arrive at the school. A lot of the kids are very curious and follow me around or peer into my classroom. It's funny because I have no idea what I'm doing but on Tuesday another teacher came to observe me and wanted me to teach her my origami so she could use it in her classroom. Sustainable, eh? Except I have no background in teaching. However, they all sort of follow my lead and think I know a lot more than I do. I need more craft ideas for next week! On the other hand, the bakery is slow as usual.

In general, I am becoming more well-known around town, and I really like it. In the beginning, random boys would shout what I'm sure were semi-rude things when I was walking around because they didn't know me and just assumed I was passing through. It was more negative attention. Now, I am beginning to see familiar faces and instead people and young men come up and talk to me or wave enthusiastically across the park, etc. They actually want to get to know me, and of course they are curious too because I look so different. On my way to the office and the school I have to walk by the butcher shop/convenience store where some of my extended family works. I used to just pass by without saying much, but now I stop and chat sometimes and today we even played with a volleyball in the street. I thought I was playing the game well but they kept telling me I lost...so apparently I didn't understand the rules of their game. I don't think they're used to having a girl play with them either.

You'll be happy to know also that last night there were about seven people on my front porch using my newly purchased mats (that are actually for babies but I use them to stretch and do yoga). We were exchanging ab exercises and stretches and having push-up and sit-up competitions. We would all laugh when someone could only do a few sit-ups or something, and it was quite the show watching everyone try, especially my host dad. Although afterwards he told me he wants to use my mats every night now to do ab exercises and eat less at dinner. So I am ACTUALLY influencing them. I felt so elated observing everyone struggle and participating in the competitions with the kids and parents alike. 

Also interesting news...I went on a "date" with my uncle this week! Don't be scared it wasn't my creepy uncle, but his younger brother who is only 21 (instead of 40) and really nice. Except sometimes I can't understand him because he talks really fast. Anyway, I think he likes me because he always come to our house to sit and talk to me on the porch and this morning he offered me a ride to work on his motorcycle. I wouldn't mind spending more time with him, plus rides are convenient and he invited me to go to the beach this weekend. He works at the butcher shop with the rest of his family but he is also in school to become a lawyer. The catch is that I think he has a girlfriend, but  my host mom noticed that he likes me and keeps hinting that we should get together because apparently they fight all the time and she is really clingy. I guess we'll see what happens.

The interesting thing about all of this is that apparently no one (ie my two uncles, all the kids in our extended family) have taken this much interest in an intern before. My mom told me that my younger uncle has never tried to get to know and intern and she was really surprised that we're becoming friends because there have been a lot of other interns at their house in the past, some very attractive. My older uncle has never, either. Also, I don't think anyone has played with the kids and taught them exercises/goofed around this much before. Everyone in my family tells me I'm very easy to get along with, which I am so happy to hear! Instead of the projects I am working on, I actually feel most proud of the fact that I am truly at ease with them and embracing their culture.

That's all I have for now, I hope none of this scared you. I definitely feel like I have a more established life here now. Oh, and our retreat was postponed by Steve until next weekend.

Love you lots,

Dana

June 7, 2012
Miss and love you,
Dana

Hi there,

I hope Amanda's graduation was a blast and Kaitlin's finals have gone well thus far. I had a meeting with the bakery today so I actually have a much clearer view of what I am going to try to accomplish now, which is good. I'll let you know how it's going once I've actually started. The school is on a field trip at the mayor's office this afternoon so I came to the office instead to use the internet.

As I get to know my family better, I have begun to inquire more about their lives. Yesterday, I went to Rivas (commercial hub/town) to find something resembling a yoga mat with my host mom, Maricela, and six-year-old brother, Diego. I ended up finding those giant squishy puzzles that preschoolers use. Anyway, spending more and more time with Diego and his mom has brought some interesting questions into my head. Is is possible to be poor and spoiled? My conclusion is yes; definitely yes.

In the toy store yesterday, upon seeing the plethora of toys, like any boy of six, Diego was overwhelmed. He jumped around looking at various action figures and pulling them off the shelves to show to his mom. He started whining. "Mom, mom,I have to have this. I want this!" At first, his mom shrugged him off but he became more and more persistent. One of my pet peeves is the kind of whining he began to do. On the verge of a tantrum, he stomped he feet. I could see the tears building up. Maricela had already said no, but in order to avoid a full-on scene she finally have in and bought him the junky plastic toy. A mistake a parent should never make.

After living in the closest proximity possible (i.e. a one story, 4-room house including the bathroom) for a few weeks, the inner workings of my family are much clearer. I know now that without a doubt, Diego is spoiled. His self-discipline is non-existent. Although he is only six, that is no excuse. He can be pleasant sometimes, is cute and fun to play with, but also fundamentally spoiled like one of those demanding American kids nobody wants to babysit. He constantly cries when he doesn't get his way, is always sneaking soda or asking for sweets and food, and today he didn't go to school because he didn't want to. He rarely wants to, and school here is only a half-day for everyone.

His behavior may very well be attributed to a lack of parenting. In fact, his lack of self-discipline most likely stems from the same absence of self-discipline his parents possess. Don't get me wrong, I love his parents and I think they are very nice people who are easy to talk to, but they, and a lot of people in Nicaragua have a problem: they cannot control themselves and have a very poor idea of management.

The easiest and most natural example of this is their eating habits. I myself sometimes over-indulge with too many sweets, etc. but here there is no limit. Three meals a day, lots of oil/frying and sugar, and the plates are enormous. We think America has a problem with portions? We aren't the only ones who have that problem. Not only that, but between meals people eat. Last weekend, my family and I went on a short 2-mile bike ride to a different neighborhood. The kids and mom brought soda "gaseosa" and Maricela filled her purse with little cookies, which they snacked on all afternoon. Two miles! I wanted to laugh. They also walked their bikes up the tiniest hill. Later, Maricela complains her pants are getting tight. I told her she should just try to go a week eating smaller portions. She said, "But I can't. I get too hungry, Dana." It's called self-control, and maybe this is an awful thing to say, but sometimes their lack of self-control motivates me to have more of it.

I often find myself thinking how depressing the future is here. The kids, Diego and Sindi, are very skinny (like all kids here) and have potential to improve their lives in this early stage. They won't though. I think about how there is no escape for them, how I loathe the idea of returning here and seeing them lazy and obese and poorly-educated in 20 years. A few weeks ago, they had three days off of school for Mother's Day (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) and nobody, including Maricela, bothered to send their kids to school on Friday. In her words, "What's the use of one day? We won't bother."

Two nights ago, I was sitting out on the porch talking with the parents (because this is what we do every night) and they were counting money bills. This is a frequent practice here, along with constant obsession with prices. It occurred to me to ask them if they have credit/debit cards. No, they don't. Money in the bank? No. Oh, but some kind of savings, you know, money in case of an emergency? No, Dana, we're poor. Well what would you do in an emergency? God knows.

As a side note, luckily for them, there are no property, state, or federal taxes here.

Here, they literally live day by day, or payday by payday. This is something incomprehensible to me. They don't have savings to spend on vacations, special things, necessary emergencies, or anything, because they don't have savings. They also don't have much to look forward to. Each day is melancholy, and talk of the future is seldom; it is more about current gossip and current prices. In "Devil, take the Hindmost," there is a quote from Ronald Reagan that says, "the difference between an American and any other person is that the American lives in anticipation of the future because he knows what a great place it will be." I really think this is true. I personally live thinking about how I want things to be a year from now or a month from now. I get through a rough day by always having an event or something that's on the horizon that I can look FORWARD to.

So...to clarify, no savings. Money is spent impulsively on 2 liter soda bottles to go with dinner and useless plastic toys for whining children. This money could be in the bank, but it's not. Not to mention the money they have by not having to pay taxes (think of how rich Americans would be!?) My family is poor for sure, but they are spoiled. Spoiled ROTTEN in the most literal sense. Without self-discipline, they are rotting their teeth in sugars, rotting their money, and rotting their own bodies away, also day by day. Diabetes is a huge problem for many elderly. The worst part is, there's almost no escape from being spoiled rotten no matter how old you are.

Just something that's on my mind today. Sorry this was so long.

Have a great day, I love you.

Dana :)


May 19, 2012

 Well, regardless, with such a wide audience I feel like I should try a little bit harder with the emails. Plus I will most likely appreciate it later, on the off-chance I am ever bored enough to return to them or if they have future usefulness. Let me switch it up.

A few things I have noticed, or things that have occurred to me:

1. Lack of mirrors.
I don't think of myself as particularly self-conscious or focused on my appearance; however, here I only come into contact with a mirror at most once per day (there are no mirrors in most bathrooms). In the U.S. we are constantly looking at ourselves, perhaps as much as we look at anyone else. Public restrooms, mirrors at home in bathrooms, bedrooms, closets, etc. In Nicaragua, I rarely see myself, which oddly enough makes me feel more at ease and comfortable with my appearance and moreover, I do not wear makeup. Go figure.

2. The words "chele" and "gringa."
Walking down the street I'd be willing to bet my right hand I'll hear at least a few cries of one or both of those words. In Nica, all foreigners are referred to as "cheles" and U.S. people, or those particularly light-haired and skinned are called "gringos." I guess the fact that at home we don't have any slang words for specific types of people makes us truly a melting pot. Nobody drives down the streets of Chicago yelling out the windows at pedestrians "foreigner! Black person! Asian!" Here, that's the norm. And no, it's not offensive nor provocative, just a way of identifying those of us who are different. It doesn't bother me.

3. Yesterday, a monkey tried to grab my camera...and my face.
No I am not making this up. He was only about one foot tall but he was feisty. Luckily there was a cage separating us, but when I tried to stick my camera inside to get a good picture, his little hand came between the bars at me and he bared his tiny teeth. Afterwards I let him play with my water bottle and he attempted to unscrew the cap, so we did make friends in the end.

4. Mangoes fall from trees.
As much as this should seem like a natural occurrence, I really can't get over it. It's mango season right now and I can't get enough of them. The fact that I can walk down the street and pick up a perfectly ripe mango to peel and eat on the spot is an oddity even though it shouldn't be. Of course fruit grows on trees.

5. The man with the machetti.
Mom, please don't freak out, but yes, you had a point when you told me there were people here that carry them. I was walking home yesterday and a man with one passed me on the main street. I admit I was a little unnerved at the possibility that he could have sliced my head off in one go right there, but no one else seemed bothered so I kept my cool and passed by without a look or word and nothing happened.

6. Los Microbuses
Transportation is extremely easy and extremely cheap. To get from town to town, you simply start walking down a main road and every few minutes a van or bus with an official logo passes. To hop on, you just stick out your hand and they'll pick you up. Most of the time they are packed to the brim with passengers. It's also convenient that they can drop you off wherever, too, provided you have the Spanish to get that right. It's only about 25 cents or 6 cordobas to the next town, and they travel pretty far. 

Okay, those are all the amusing little bits (or not amusing...knives) I have for now. I thought this would mix it up a little for you. Tomorrow morning I'm leaving this place, which is kind of a shame. 

Xoxo,
Dana